Being in the hospital this past week has really forced me to acknowledge the fact that these babies have to come out and not by a wave of a magic wand. This is the part that i have been dreading the most. This entire pregnancy I tried not focusing on the delivery and just on the joy of having my babies in my arms and being a mom. Well now all I think about are these contractions and the big delivery. Honestly it's all very daunting to me. I haven't committed to a c-section or a vaginal delivery. I get mixed opinions on both and it's a lot to consider. With a cesarean I worry about the recovery, the pain of nursing two babies and an incision, not to mention a scar. With vaginally I worry about putting my babies in distress or going through all of the labor and then needing an emergency cesarean anyway. I also worry that if the babies are in position for me to deliver "naturally" and I choose cesarean then I will regret not trying. My doctor is great, he said that if the babies heart rates look good and the babies are in position then he has no problem trying vaginally. It's pretty much up to me, the babies and how everything looks when it's time. At this point I have decided to leave it up to the Lord because we all know I can't do anything about their positions. The babies are both head down and facing out toward my belly button but with all this preterm contraction business anything can happen.
Another main worry I have is the Epidural, with twins I have to deliver in an operating room and the epidural isn't optional, it's mandatory. Now don't get me wrong, I do want one, that isn't the issue... It's the pain of getting one. I have heard so many horror stories about the pain of the needle that it freaks me out. I have a very low tolerance for pain and I find myself stressing over the thought of a gigantic needle being inserted into my back... So much so that it keeps me up at night. Now I know there are lots of good stories of epidurals, I'm just worried. When I had the steroid shots in my bum it hurt sooooo bad! I feel like I can still feel where they stuck the needles on both sides.
When I was growing up I used to believe that by the time I had kids the epidural would be more of an oral pill... Wishful thinking I know. People have babies all the time, the high majority of the time everything comes out just fine... Still... I'm scared.