I'm Scared

Being in the hospital this past week has really forced me to acknowledge the fact that these babies have to come out and not by a wave of a magic wand.  This is the part that i have been dreading the most.  This entire pregnancy I tried not focusing on the delivery and just on the joy of having my babies in my arms and being a mom.  Well now all I think about are these contractions and the big delivery.  Honestly it's all very daunting to me.  I haven't committed to a c-section or a vaginal delivery.  I get mixed opinions on both and it's a lot to consider.  With a cesarean I worry about the recovery, the pain of nursing two babies and an incision, not to mention a scar.  With vaginally I worry about putting my babies in distress or going through all of the labor and then needing an emergency cesarean anyway.  I also worry that if the babies are in position for me to deliver "naturally" and I choose cesarean then I will regret not trying. My doctor is great, he said that if the babies heart rates look good and the babies are in position then he has no problem trying vaginally.  It's pretty much up to me, the babies and how everything looks when it's time.  At this point I have decided to leave it up to the Lord because we all know I can't do anything about their positions.  The babies are both head down and facing out toward my belly button but with all this preterm contraction business anything can happen. 

Another main worry I have is the Epidural, with twins I have to deliver in an operating room and the epidural isn't optional, it's mandatory.  Now don't get me wrong, I do want one, that isn't the issue... It's the pain of getting one.  I have heard so many horror stories about the pain of the needle that it freaks me out.  I have a very low tolerance for pain and I find myself stressing over the thought of a gigantic needle being inserted into my back... So much so that it keeps me up at night.  Now I know there are lots of good stories of epidurals, I'm just worried.  When I had the steroid shots in my bum it hurt sooooo bad! I feel like I can still feel where they stuck the needles on both sides.

When I was growing up I used to believe that by the time I had kids the epidural would be more of an oral pill... Wishful thinking I know.  People have babies all the time, the high majority of the time everything comes out just fine... Still... I'm scared.

I'm home!!!

After two and a half days in Labor and Delivery I am finally home!!!  I've gotta say though after the second day I was actually enjoying my stay, it was great staying in bed, having visitors and not doing anything but relaxing.
My doctor came in this morning and heard that I was actually enjoying myself and asked me if I was sure I wanted to leave.  If it weren't Christmas this weekend I probably would have just stayed a day or two more but they would have had to take out the IV, I can't stand that thing.  When I am home I am restless thinking of all the things I could be doing or need to do etc. which is really hard when you are on strict bed rest.

The doctor put me on an oral drug called Indomethacin, it's an organ relaxer and is definitely making the contractions subside.  Oh and did I mention I made a new friend?... Ambien. Can I just take a moment to thank the genius behind such a miracle drug?!  Right before I was going to bed last night room next to me a lady had her baby and all I could hear were screams and shrills of excitement as well as a screaming baby, it was cute but just not as cute as if it were my own I guess.  My saint of a nurse came in and offered me an Ambien and I eagerly jumped on the offer.  I finally slept and felt well rested when Brian came to the hospital in the morning after his shift at work.

Now I am at home drugged up and chained to my couch.  My cousin Abby was a total lifesaver today, she not only came over to visit but she picked up a bunch of stuff from Target for me and helped me wrap my Christmas gifts! A HUGE help, thanks Abby!

As of right now, I am on strict bed rest and can pretty much twiddle my thumbs for the next four days until my next doctors appointment on Tuesday, unless I have more contractions and have to return to the hospital.  Right now the goal is to keep these babes in until I am at least 36 weeks which is 3 weeks away.  If the babies came today they would have to spend 3 weeks in the NICU to learn how to regulate their temperature and to eat which isn't bad but still not fun.  Every week I get closer to 36 means one less week in the NICU so fingers crossed!

Thank you everyone again for your thoughts and prayers for us and our little family.  I am so lucky to have so many family and friends praying for us.

Another day in the L&D...

Last night my mom, sister and brother Josh brought me warm fresh baked Oatmeal Chocolate chip cookies to the hospital. They were sooo good!!  Tiersha and Josh came to visit me also and got to hang out for a while.  It's so nice living so close to so many family members!  Tiersha was so great, she offered to stay with me at the hospital overnight because Brian had to work and she knows what it's like being alone in the hospital.  I think she might have caught a cold from my room because I keep it at arctic temperatures, so I've been told.  She had 3 heating blankets covering her and I used just a sheet.  It's amazing how warm you are when you are a human incubator.

Unfortunately the night didn't go so well.  I had long contractions, 5-6 minutes long.  They were also frequent and not subsiding.  The nurse came in around 3 AM with the thing I was dreading most, an IV.  I had been trying to consume as much water as possible to avoid this but no such luck.  This time my nurse numbed the area before she stuck me with the needle, she had to do it twice because the first vein hid the second she numbed it and she couldn't find it when she poked around.  This was not enough... at 3:30 she came back with another shot of Terbutaline.  This is a little tiny needle with a huge bite! It is so painful!  It also causes your heart rate to speed up and you to become anxious.  The last two times I had to take this it wasn't as noticeable because I was watching TV and talking with people.  This time it was night, the TV was off and I was the only one awake... it kind of made me freak out a little bit because I could feel my heart racing.

At about 7 AM the doctor came in to see me and check if I was dilating.  I wasn't.  Since I had such an eventful night of contractions he decided to keep me for one more night and re-evaluate in the morning.  So here I am, still in the hospital.  It actually hasn't been too bad though.  They switched me to oral medication that's supposed to be an organ relaxer and make the contractions stop.  So far it's working pretty well.  I haven't had as many long or strong contractions so hopefully I will be released tomorrow. I got my second shot of the steroids in my rear and it hurt more than the first one!  I have been told that I should only have oral medication from now on though so that is a relief.

Today I had two pleasant surprises.  My Grandma Connie and Papa Neilson came to visit me and then one of my mom's best friends,  Terri Hubbard and her daughters Melissa and Cheryl, came to visit and spent 3 hours chatting with me.  It was so nice to have visitors!  It definitely made the time fly by!

Not a completely bad day for me; I got to shower, which is interesting with an IV but SOO nice to get clean, have breakfast, lunch and dinner brought to me, visitors to keep me company and less contractions!  The only thing that could make it better is if this IV was out.  I kind of like not having to do much, it's hard getting up and taking care of myself at home.

I really appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers, it looks like they're working because the contractions are slowing and I might get to go home! Thank you so much!

Another iv

I am having a lot of contractions so they just put me on another iv. :o(

If this doesn't work I'll be getting another shot of terbutaline...

I'm back...

Looks like these babes really want to make their debut early, either that or my body wants to kick them out early.  I went to my follow up doctors appointment this morning and they put me on monitors, unfortunately my contractions were still coming at a rate they weren't happy with so they sent me to the hospital.  I am on monitors and have to stay at least for 24 hours.  They have given me the first of a set of two steroid shots (total OUCH, it's in the bum!) to help the babies lungs just in case they come super early.  I also got another shot of Terbutaline to help ease my contractions.

The doctor wants to try and keep the babies in until at least 36 weeks, I am 32 weeks and 5 days so hopefully I can make it another 3 weeks.  He said if my contractions stay the way they are in 24 hours when he comes to check on me then I might have to stay longer and continue to be monitored.  I am not dilated at all and my cervix is 3 cm thick so I at least have that going for me.  I was told that the preterm labor contractions are a reaction from my body not wanting to expand anymore and thinking it's time... SUPER.

Too early!!!

This morning I had quite the scare. I went to bed around 10:30 and was feeling some minor cramping, I called Brian at work and told him that I was going to wait an hour and see if the cramps go away or progressively get worse before calling the doctor. I fell asleep around 11 but still had cramps. I woke up around 2:15AM and my cramps were significantly worse. Needless to say I called the on call doctor and she told me to check into Labor and Delivery. Luckily I wasn't in too much of a panic, I had my bag mostly packed, grabbed a few things just in case and then got dressed. We got to the Emergency Entrance to the hospital around 3:00 AM and I was admitted, hooked up to fetal monitors and an IV. I was having a lot of contractions so they gave me a shot of something to stop them. They also did a test to see the likely hood of me delivering in the next two weeks and luckily that was negative. After about two hours the contractions slowed down but the heart rates were a little concerning so they kept me until the doctor came in around 7:30AM. When he came in he said that the heart rates have gone up and that everything looks good. I am now on BED REST, at least until Wednesday when the doctor wants to see me and see how I am doing.

This was a very scary experience for me, I am ready for these babes to come, but it worries me that THEY might not be ready to come out. I'm not so much ready for delivery, I hate needles, hospitals and pain so I was very anxious being admitted knowing that I could potentially be delivering my babies early and if I did, they would very likely be going to the NICU. I am so happy that the contractions have subsided for now but a little bummed to have to be on bed rest. I'm not used to letting people help me or being dependent on those around me so this is definitely going to be a challenge.