I know I am very late in writing about this but to be honest I debated back and forth whether or not I should even post the story of their birth or just try to forget it. In the end I know that I will one day look back and wish I would have documented it so here it goes.
The end of my pregnancy was really hard. The babies weren't coming and I wasn't dilating anymore than 2 centimeters. I was 39 weeks and my doctor said this is the time to either schedule a c section or to induce. This was the decision I had been dreading my entire pregnancy. I was torn between the ease and non stressful c section or the preferred vaginal delivery with possible c section in the case something goes wrong and the other one can't come out naturally. After much prayer and a blessing I came to the decision of scheduling a cesarean. I didn't know how the babies or I would do on Pitocin and I didn't want to find out the hard way and have to have both a natural delivery and a c section.
I scheduled it for Friday, February 3rd at 1:00 PM. The time came for us to go and I couldn't be more excited. We arrived at the hospital and I was practically giddy. Surprisingly I had not a single nerve. I wasn't nervous about the spinal injection or the delivery or anything. We were sent to a small patient room to change and be prepped. Brian was there any my mom got special permission to be there also. Here is us before we made the short walk to the O.R. I am HUGE!!!!
We walked to the O.R where I had to part ways momentarily with Brian and Mom while they gave me the spinal and prepped me for surgery. Everything seemed so easy, a slight quick burn of the numbing needle, small pressure from the spinal needle and legs numb in seconds. What came next was not expected, I laid down and immediately fell short of breath, I asked for oxygen and they put the mask on... it didn't help. I couldn't breathe, I remember looking at the nurses trying to say, "Can't breathe, can't breathe, can't breathe." The anesthesiologist was behind me and said, "I'm sorry, it appears I have given you too much." NOT what you want to hear! The nurses kept saying, if you're talking you're breathing Honey, your lungs are moving, slow deep breaths.SO ANNOYING!! Normally the spinal only numbs you from the waist down, I had so much that it numbed me from the neck down. Brian came in and was squeezing my hand and I couldn't squeeze it back. I was panicking. I couldn't even move my head to the other side to look at my mom and Brian. I tried to tell the nurse that I was panicking but all I could do was mouth the word Panic. I thought I was going to suffocate on the table. I remember them putting up the curtain so I couldn't see them cut me open and feeling claustrophobic. Baby A was out and I didn't hear any crying, then Baby B was out and the doctor held her up and I could barely see the outline of her little body, then I was put out.
I woke up in the recovery room to Brian showing me pictures on the camera and telling me that baby boy was 8lbs and 10oz!!! Then I remember a baby put on my chest, a picture, then another baby, a picture and then a stroll on the bed to my room. I was so drugged that I was barely coherent. Our close family came the same day to see the babies and I was in and out of sleep. My internal temperature was very low so they had to wrap me in a plastic heating material overnight, it was awful, I felt so hot and sweaty but I was still cold. The worst part of the whole experience was that I felt disconnected from my babies. I remember looking at them in their little boxes thinking, who are they? Did they really come from me? I was devastated at how everything turned out. No easy delivery, no seeing my babies as they came out, no cute picture with them at my head no nothing. I was in a ton of pain where I was cut open, I felt like death from the drugs and I was heartbroken. I couldn't be excited, it's a terrible feeling when you go from giddy to sad and disconnected in the blink of an eye, after all this was what I thought I wanted and to have it come the way it did really took a toll on me.
We didn't even have names picked out, the second day in the hospital was crunch time so we turned to a little sheet of paper we scribbled some names on the day before and decided on Ethan Brian and Ellie Renee. Ethan was a name I saw on an Ethan Allen commercial but forgot about and Matt, Brian's brother suggested to Brian close to the end. I wrote it on the list because we both seemed to like it. Then a few nights earlier Brian sent me an email from work and said what about Ellie (he had been listening to a song and the singer was apparently named Ellie)? I said Yes! We both liked the name Elle but thought that it would be weird having a name that sounded like a letter so when he said Ellie we liked it and it too went on the list with a few others. The day before d day I took the few names we had and began combining them boy/girl. When I wrote Ethan and Ellie something clicked for me. When we were in the hospital it was the first time we both agreed on names. Then Renee came from my middle name that I also share with my mom and Brian came from, obviously, Brian.
The first few nights were rough, if I'm being honest the first few weeks were rough. I was sleep deprived, healing, drugged and depressed. Not a good combination. I should stop and say that I did have joy in my babies but it wasn't the overwhelming joy that I had so often read about. That came later.
Needless to say it wasn't the easy peasy delivery I had anticipated but in the end, it was worth it.
February 3, 2012
Ethan Brian George
8lbs 10oz 20 inches long
All of the doctors and nurses kept commenting that they have NEVER seen such a huge twin. He was slightly jaundice and lost 15% of his body weight the first few days but gained it back within 2 weeks.
Ellie Renee George
6lbs 2oz 19 inches long
She was the itty bitty baby I thought I would never have! She lost 12% of her body weight and was also able to gain it back within 2 weeks, but still trails her big brother.
